A Broken Promise
by HopeForTheWitch
Summary: When the truth crosses a lie one too many times, Shuichi leaves, taking his own web of lies with him. RxS & YxS
1. A Broken Promise

Disclaimer: Gravitation isn't mine... shame, really.

Pairings: SS/SR (implied) & SS/YE.

Keep in mind that English is not my first language. It's not beta'd (but if any of you volunteers, I'd be a very happy girl) so learn to live with it for now. On a second note, it's completely understandable that most of this does not make any sense at all...

R&R

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**A Broken Promise**

With only a thin pair of trousers and a sweater covering his too-skinny frame, he shivered. Not wanting to look behind him, he kept on walking through the harsh rain, although he knew, he felt, the eyes glaring at his retreating back. "It's over," he whispered quietly.

_I should be happy._

A wry smile marked his lips.

_But then why? Why am I crying?_

He licked the salty traces of tears from his lips and stopped walking for a second, closing his eyes, only to pick up his pace twice as fast afterwards.

"You'll regret this, Shuichi, and you know it," the blonde man behind him yelled.

Shuichi brushed a mix of rain and tears from his cheeks and glanced at his hand for a brief moment, studying the wetness on his pale fingers.

_Even Heaven is crying. So maybe it's alright that I do too. I think it is._

He resisted the urge to look at the man, only nodded in response to his yelling, not letting him see the tears. He wouldn't, couldn't, understand what Shuichi was going through now. So, no, he shouldn't let them see, it would be unwise.

_Unwise? Like running off like a wanted criminal, unwise? Like I'm doing now? _

He snorted softly and quickened his pace, not wanting to hear him anymore, not wanting to let his words break his already fragile heart. He strode towards the waiting cab and opened the door. Shuichi stood still for a moment, as if hesitating to get in, watching his perfectly laid out imperfections on the reflection in the darkened glass. He traced his outlines, but suddenly stopped when the man spoke again.

"I swear to the Gods, Shuichi, I will find you, no matter what, and I will find out what you're hiding from me."

_I know, my love, I know. And I pray to whatever Gods there are that you will be as forgiving as I was all those years ago, for I know I cannot ask for it myself._

His quivering hand still on the cold window, he turned around slightly and nodded knowingly. "You will," he breathed, "and I will be ready then." He tried to steady his hurried breath and sighed a second later. "Just give me time, that's all I'm asking."

_I'm sorry._

How hard it was to say such things aloud, such lies, such a twisted form of reality. He swallowed and, not having the heart to wait any longer, to see his lover - or was it ex-lover? - break, he rushed to get in the car and slammed the door firmly shut.

_Out of sight, out of heart, that's what they say. It shouldn't matter – and maybe, just maybe, one day, I'll be able to convice myself that it doesn't._

-/\-

A soaked to the bone Shuichi knocked harsly on the wooden door in front of him. "Open up, damn it!" he yelled, his voice a little hoarse. "I know you're in! You shouldn't –"

The door opened and he fell silent, although the tears never stopped streaming.

_I'm a monster. But then again, aren't we all?_

"Gods, Shuichi! He's really done it this time, no?"

He gave the older man a nod and brushed past him, into the hall and then into the comforting livingroom. The older man followed him in silence and then began pacing in the midst of the room, his eyes behind a hand.

_Making holes in the expensive Indian carpet, are we now? Will you do that to me too? Or will you leave me as decoration, hanging beautifully on the wall, greeting your visitors with my patterns, making them dizzy so they will forget who I was? Who I am?_

"Tell me, Shuichi. Tell me what happened."

_Or am I already? Do you even know who I was, who I am?_

Shuichi, avoiding his question, looked around for a moment, as if studying every detail of the brownish room. Inwardly, he pushed all those unwelcoming thoughts aside and then turned around to face the older man with a soft, innocent smile, as if never having heard his question in the first place. "I'm here, aren't I," he said, his smile never leaving, but never reaching his eyes - not then and maybe not ever again.

_Yes, Ryuichi, do you see? I'm finally here, like you wanted me to. But will you love me for it? Or will you hate me for what I did? Or, better yet, for what I didn't do? _

_Will you at least try to mend me? Or will you be like him and even more like me, broken and shattered? Do you even know that I'm giving you everything I own? Because I'll give you everything I am._

"I'm home now."

_A broken promise._

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R&R


	2. Shattered

Disclaimer: Gravitation isn't mine... shame, really.

Pairings: SS/SR (implied) & SS/YE.

Keep in mind that English is not my first language. It's not beta'd (but if any of you volunteers, I'd be a very happy girl) so learn to live with it for now. On a second note, it's completely understandable that most of this does not make any sense at all...

This takes place before 'A Broken Promise'... Had to write something for English. I was listening to 'Remy Zero - Fair' and this came up. I'm not very happy with it, though, but it'll have to do (for now xD)

R&R

**

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**

**But you're alive!  
Well, it's only fallen frames,  
They told me.**

- Fair (Remy Zero).

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**Shattered**

A loud knock on the bathroomdoor. Shuichi swallowed, looked over his shoulder and then knelt down between the pieces of the broken mirror.

_Who am I to decide what breaks and what does not? I am no better than you, am I..._

"Shuichi! What are you doing!"

"Nothing, nothing, just an accident!" Shuichi called back, gathering the pieces together. He winced when he cut himself, then threw everything in a bag.

Someone tried to open the door and in shock, Shuichi looked up at the white door.

_White. Whitewhitewhite – red?_

It made him feel dizzy, it made him see stars. He clutched the bag tighter to his chest, only to drop it in pain.

_Dripping – is that me? What's going on?_

"Damn it, Shuichi, I'm going to kick open the bloody door if –"

_Don't!_

But before Shuichi could even open his mouth, everything went black.

_Shit._

-/\-

Pouding. There was so much pounding, it made his head hurt. He tried to open his eyes, only to clamp them together once more because of the brightness of the room.

_The whiteness... white, again._

"Oh, Shuichi, idiot boy," a voice murmured, lovingly with a trace of sadness. There was a sound of shifted sheets, maybe curtains, and Shuichi, hoping for the latter, opened his eyes again slowly.

He blinked, adjusting to the dimmed light quickly. "Why?" he croaked, suddenly seeing the blond mop of hair.

There was a sad grin, but it vanished almost as quickly as it came. "You tell me, you moron. What did you do?"

_I was hoping for the 'how are you feeling?' to be honest, but I guess it's OK to skip that part._

Shuichi snorted. "The mirror broke."

"The mirror broke," the blonde repeated sceptical. "And why did it break?"

Shuichi looked away in shame.

_Because it lied to me. It showed me someone that's not me – not anymore. _

_Because I'm ashamed to be the person I saw._

_Because I could not stand looking at him – me? – anymore._

_Because I saw not only me, but you too in that mirror._

"I don't know," he whispered, looking at his lover again. "I honestly don't," he lied smoothly.

_And why can't you see I'm lying? You used to see it when my mouth sprouted twisted forms of reality. Am I getting better or are you losing your grip on your cold side? Are we switching places?_

He wanted to cry, to make Eiri Yuki finally _see_, but of course, it did not happen. Maybe never would, but a guy could dream, right? Shuichi sighed and sat upright, leaning against the white pillow.

The blonde smirked, like he knew, and said: "I know."

_You don't! __Like you do not know I'm loving not only you, but some other guy too. _

"You can see your bratty friends tomorrow. We can go home in the morning, but right now you have to rest."

Shuichi tried to smile, ignoring the part about his friends. "We?"

Eiri nodded, taking Shuichi's hand and breaking his lover's heart even more with it. He smiled. "Yes, we."

_Who am I cheating?_

A few tears made their way down to Shuichi's chin, even more when Eiri pulled him in a tight hug, holding him close.

"Thank you," Shuichi sobbed brokenly, the reality of his nightly adventures crushing down on him. Even though Eiri did not, and his own eyesight was becoming misty because of the tears, Shuichi could see it clearly now.

_If it's not Eiri, not Ryuichi, then probably... _

A kiss on his forehead. "I love you, you brat."

_Then probably it's me._

* * *

**So what if you catch me,  
Where would we land?**

- Fair (Remy Zero).

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R&R


	3. Falling, Failing, Fear

Disclaimer: Gravitation isn't mine... shame, really.

A/N: Yes, everyone's OOC and I guess I'm sorry for that. The reason why I made Ryuichi serious, is rather simple: even though Shuichi doesn't realise the dangers of the situation, Ryuichi does and he tries to make Shu realise that by being his serious-self. Of course, that doesn't mean they won't be manchildren, but just not all the time. Especially not at night.

Secondly, I suppose the order of the 'chapters' is kind of confusing, so from now on, chapter one is going to be some kind of prologue, even if it's kinda how it ends –snorts– Yeah, that's so much better. Or not. Well, anyway. You can still consider this fic 'complete', even though I have added another part. Maybe one day, I'll revise everything. But that's not now, not tomorrow and not anytime soon.

And again, my first language is Dutch and certainly not English. So I'll apologize right now for any errors you may find while reading.

Have a good read!

R&R

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**Falling – Failing – Fear**

It all started with a simple: "Let me help you."

Now, six months later, Shuichi felt being drowned in his own lies that emerged from it. After getting out of the hospital, two weeks ago, he'd promised himself he'd put a stop it. To everything. He'd be with Yuki and only Yuki and that was that.

_Yuki. YukiYukiYukiYuki. I wonder what you'__ll think of little, innocent me, knowing you're sharing me with another._

The bed felt cold. Big and empty, but Shuichi had the feeling that it wouldn't be any different if another body, though warm, crept in bed next to him. Because not only did the bed feel cold, he felt it too. It was eating him from the inside-out and lately it could even be seen on his face. Dark circles and hollow cheeks.

Empty smiles, convincing everyone and everything _he's fine_.

But God knew he wasn't and it showed in the insomnia that threatened to take over, though he kept that a secret. He rolled on his stomach, hid his face in the hard pillow. He suddenly wondered what would happen if he held his breath too long.

He didn't bother trying, dismissing the thought.

Finally he sat up, couldn't take it anymore. He pulled the blankets aside and swung his legs off the bed, put his feet on the wooden floor. He paused, wondering what Ryuichi was up to right now. Probably sleeping, like Shuichi should.

_Maybe I deserve it. Is this what they call Karma?_

He rubbed his eyes tiredly and stood up, stretched and went into the bathroom, in search for the bathrobe he was sure he'd left there that morning. Finding it, he put his slippers on and left his hotelrooms.

Shuichi hated hotels. No, better yet, he loathed them. It made him feel lonely.

_I guess I am.._

And yes, maybe he was. He closed the door softly behind him and tiptoed to the door across, where he knew Ryuichi was sleeping. Or so he hoped. The door made a creaking sound when he opened it, however quiet he tried to be. Luckily enough, it stayed silent when closed and Shuichi slowly crept towards the king-sized bed.

Standing in front of his bed, the bed with silky sheets and with Ryuichi in it, made him forget about the promise. His promise. He sat down on the edge and ran a hand through soft brown hair, a tired smile on his face. Brownish eyes, almost black in the dark, opened and smiled back at him.

The childlike mask was gone and Shuichi knew why. Only with a third party, Ryuichi felt the need to act like a child, to hide behind a mask so thick that even Tohma had trouble seeing through it.

"Good –" Ryuichi paused for a second. "Good whatever it is," he croaked sleepily.

Shuichi chuckled, his bad mood vanishing at the sight of his idol. Because, even though they slept together, he still viewed Ryuichi as a god. Somewhat, at least. "Night. It's night. It's two twenty."

The older man groaned and buried his face in the pillow. "Damn you." He pushed aside the blankets and patted the empty space next to him. "Ungodly hour, that's what it is."

Ryuichi was not a morning person and he had one hell of a temper when woken up at what he called 'ungodly hours', such as now. Shuichi discarded the bathrobe and sank next to him on the bed, though he leaned back against the headboard. "Sorry, did I wake you?"

Silence, then a snort and: "No. I was only acting."

The pink-haired man smirked an empty smirk. "Yeah, I'm sure," he whispered. "Say, do you think – I mean, do you think that Tohma knows?"

Ryuichi slowly sat up with a dark frown. "No, otherwise he would've said something about it, with Yuki being Yuki and all." His gaze was hard on Shuichi, but he refused to look away. "Tell me something, Shu. And be honest."

Shuichi nodded quickly.

"No, I mean it. Be honest with me. Promise me."

Shuichi winced at the sudden reminder of his own promise, but nodded again. "Yeah," he said and he gulped loudly. "Yeah, I promise."

The man stayed silent and looked at him, searching for something. Finally, he smiled thinly. "Do you know what you are doing, Shuichi? Are you prepared to face the consequences these games will bring you? Because you can't play this game forever, Shu." Though his voice was still a little hoarse, it was strong and it demanded honesty.

"I don't know," Shuichi whispered. He felt the sudden urge to cry, felt the need to be held and be soothed, to be told everything was going to be fine.

But it wasn't and if he continued like this, it probably never would.

The soothing came, along with whispered words of nothingness and a song that filled his heart with fear, love and most of all, disgust at himself. He was caressed, he was loved and he gave the older man all he had to give, but afterwards, when he heard Ryuichi's even breathing, a few tears of self earned misery leaked onto the pillow.

_Oh, Yuki, I'__m so sorry! You may not know this, but I promised. I'm sorry. _

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R&R


End file.
